National Coming Out Day

October 11th was National Coming Out Day, and everybody has a different coming out story. Some look back and recall how much their hands shook and heart raced as they worked up the courage to say those two words. Others, however, were not afforded the luxury of planning. They were forced out, before they were ready, with the deepest parts of themselves exposed for the world to see. There were also those who didn’t “come out” at all—at least not in the traditional sense. Those people always knew who they were, and so did everyone else; it was an unspoken understanding. My story falls somewhere in the intersection of all of those.

I don’t think anyone could have predicted that my coming out would involve sophomore algebra class and a ruler. I remember sitting there, leg bouncing anxiously as my pencil tapped my notebook. As I looked over at my best friend sitting next to me, I realized I didn’t actually have a plan. I quickly scanned my surroundings until my eyes landed on the bendy ruler my friend had on her desk. “You know, this ruler is a lot like me,” I paused. My friend stared at me, expecting me to say more, but I wasn’t sure how to continue. Before I could find the words, she replied hesitantly, “Not straight..?”

I wasn’t shocked that she knew where I was going with my sentence. Prior to even acknowledging within myself that I wasn’t straight, people throughout my life made various comments and speculated. When I was young, my peers used to say that I didn’t count as a girl or a boy. I felt hurt by this at the time, but looking back, I realized they were right. Strangers, acquaintances, extended family members, and even parents of some of my friends asked if I was gay. When I finally came to terms with the fact that I was queer, I knew I needed to be the one to come out. I didn’t want someone else to take that power away from me.

Something I wasn’t expecting after coming out was that I had to keep coming out. I originally came out to my parents and friends as bisexual. I later realized I wasn’t bi and actually identified as gay. Soon thereafter, I began exploring my gender as well (which was a long and difficult road). The various labels I attached to myself were ever-changing as I tried to figure out what I felt and who I was. Eventually, I landed on non-binary and slowly began adopting they/them pronouns for myself. In every new environment I’m in, I find myself having to come out again and again. Despite doing it for years now, I still hesitate out of fear of what others might think or say. They say it gets easier each time, but that doesn’t mean it is always easy.

My story is just one out of thousands. Some people’s journeys weren’t so smooth. It is all too common to hear about LGBTQ+ individuals being purposely (or accidentally) outed or kicked out of their homes and/or attacked for coming out. The act of coming out is certainly an act of bravery, but the real testament of strength is being out and continuing to exist in a world with your most vulnerable self exposed. National Coming Out Day is a day that many members of the community use to show the world who they really are. Others may not feel ready to open up on this day, and that is perfectly fine. Although National Coming Out Day is so important for many folks, I hope we continue to create spaces where people feel they can come out on any day of the year. Your journey is yours. Whether you’re out or not, always know that there is an entire community that loves and supports you. You are never alone.